Thursday, April 30, 2009 Thursday, April 30, 2009
Its been a week since i had broke the news that i would be going to year 1 in NTU biological sciences to my friends.
Of course, the person who is most shock is lt. I can't help it too. They didnt give me direct entry to second year. :( They didnt think im good enough so, what can i do? lol
Appeal to second year?
Why i didnt:
1) do i have the confidence to survive better in second year?
2) Do i really wanna go second year? Is it becos my friends are going?
3) Do i really feel that i have the quality to go second year or is it just that i want to take shortcuts in my life?
4) Even if i really go into second year, i would keep on thinking that i should have stayed in first year that time, whenever im stress.
I just told some of my secondary school friends today. They were shock and they feel pity for me.
' Yea, 'sway' right?' was my response every time. But deep down i know, perhaps i really dont have the quality to go direct second year.
Mei xing and Poon Khai further confirmed the point on being alone. And its scary.
I know, I know i would cry and say why didnt i appeal so that i could be with my friens. But, i have to grow up. One day, i might look back and say, 'hey, i was so reliant on ppl that time. Luckily i grew up'. And, i hope i can say that one day.
Its harder for me to tell everyone that: I would go alone :) I like to go alone :)
Cos i dont like to go alone but sooner or later i would need to be independant. Yea, and im learning that now. :) I know this came earlier for me than my other friends. bad luck or good luck, i dont know, i shall face it on my own cos thats the only thing i can do now...
Thursday, April 30, 2009
Today is an eventful day. It all started out with a nice swensen's meal.
1 for 1 lunch deal is sure worth it and i had this chicken sandwich which makes me so satisfied and full.
After which was mahjong session at mei xing's house where we had an hour plus of fun when a call suddenly came.
It was from sheila. She's got a job offer to work at the hospital to take temperature from visitors. Then it was quickly followed by the journey down to suntec thanks to her dad's ride. And in the next hour was a confirmed position in the job. I was shocked.
Well, i have to quit the job at T1 cos my mum doesnt allow me to work there anymore cos she knows we are unhappy. The changing of the dates and time and everything and the complains are driving us to the wall. And, i always have the feeling that they would suddenly sack us. Well, why? I dont know.
Today is an eventful day
Sunday, April 26, 2009 Sunday, April 26, 2009
Rise and shine! Its early in the morning and today's monday. I dont have any monday blues since i only work on weekends :) Well, speaking of work, we had recently been complained of our poor performance.
They are as follows:
1) Leaning against the wall when standing
2) Showing a 'black' and expressionless face while patrolling
3) Being rude to customers
4) Talking in groups, laughing
5) Skiving
Ok, this is my explaination not excuses :
1) Erhem, people have backbone and a human's spinal cord is our central nervous system that controls alot of our nerves. This allows mobility and of course, with a normal and healthy spinal cord, we would be able to carry out normal agile actions. If we dont provide enough support, our spinal cord would be crooked to a certain degree and this is bad for our health. So, we just wanna lean a bit. :)
2) Ok, now who walks around smiling to himself? This would really be 'xiao' as in crazy. And who makes alot expression when you walk alone? We are still normal.
3) As you know, people are curious and erhem, kapo. We love to stand at places whereby its super crowded - the more the merrier. So, we always love to block the way. Thats why we neeed crowd controller! Which is exactly what im doing. But, some ppl just are too stubborn to move or are too oblivious to the surroundings or are too mesmerized with what they are looking at that they dont care what i say! Just telling you to move forward. Bet your healthy pair of legs could carry you. So when they complain we are rude when we aren't, look who's talking.
4) Firstly, we are not the only one wearing that uniform, so are you sure its really us? Secondly, when you see your collegue, would you just turn away? And thirdly, are you sure we are just talking leisurely? Are you sure we arent talking about work, like who should patrol where etc? And laughter is good for brain power and it brings less white hair.
5) Got evidence ma? And whats your definition of skiving?? Drinking water? Humans need 1100mls of water for normal daily needs and we provide 400mls of water by oxidative metabolism. However, bcos of the weather and the strong air con, we need more water. Is that considered skiving?
Well, i had been caught for leaning against the wall. Thats for sure, if you know me. My backbone needs some rest. But the rest? Not that i know of but who knows?
One for all, all for one.
Thursday, April 23, 2009 Thursday, April 23, 2009
Good things that happened to be lately:
1) I had gotten a job working as a crowd control at Tampines 1, the new mall. So that i can earn some money.
2) I had slimmed down so that i would be healthier :)
3) I had gotten an offer letter from NTU School of biological Sciences First Year!!!
Good about Going to First Year :
1) I can have chance to get into contact with the modules that i had studied in poly so as to make my basics more stable.
2) I can try my best to get great grades in first year so as to set a better GPA first.
3) I can get to have more time to think about my future path, to think about what i should choose in later years of study instead of rushing into it.
4) I would know more friends! ( of course, the beanies are the best. )
5) I would learn to be more confident and more independant when im alone.
6) I would practice and train myself not to be so blur and to watch my back.
Bad about Going to first year:
1) I would be alone since lt, xh, fel will be going to second year straight.
2) I have to really watch my back in case of any back stabbers camouflaging
3) I would be lonely......very lonely.......
So in summary, i have 6 good pointd and 3 bad points. I am still ahead by 3 good points!
And last but not least, i wanna thank you. Thank you for your patience and thank you for sorting my thoughts out when im so busy crying over this. Thank you for telling me that there are goodness in everything.
And hopefully, god had opened a bigger and more beautiful window as he had closed one door now. Thanks! :)
Sunday, April 19, 2009 Sunday, April 19, 2009
Its finally an OFF DAY! yay to all the ushers.
Work is = stone
Just standing there, directing the crowd.
But its pretty embarrassing to hold up the signs, like im a road block or something.
If you guys are free, go tampines 1! There's alot of shops there that you cant find in other shopping malls. So, its a must go. But.... try to go on weekdays? LOL
P.S.: I hope to see something in my post box...something that spells good news
Tuesday, April 14, 2009 Tuesday, April 14, 2009
Work is fun but a bit tiring cos its long hours.
Makes me forget about alot of things, which is good :)
To some ppl who cant let go of the past, im sorry for your loss.
To others who will look at the big picture, i pat on your shoulder and say: Good Job
--------------------------------------------------
A single grain feeds a hundred ppl, thats true.
When i stand at the escalator and ursher you ppl to move on,
i meant that you are blocking the way cos please dont stop right at the escalator,
Its really dangerous.
---------------------------------------------------
Not saying a word doesnt mean the feeling is not there.
Not grumbling about life doesnt mean im pampered
A cent to another cent is what we had saved up
A sweat to another sweat is what you had not seen
Perhaps you had suffered more than me, but why do i feel that you wanted me to be the same? Would you feel happy that way?
Everyone's troubles are different, not saying anything doesnt meant i had no troubles.
Not showing the face doesnt mean i am not enduring.
Does it all have to be spelt out?
Being a very chit chatty person, wearing a smile everyday could really push one on, to face other things in your life other than this.
I may not understand your problem, your tiredness, your stress and your bitter.
But i had never said you are relaxed and happy and worry free.
Thats because i know that no one is trouble free.
Appreciation is all we need. Dont wish to point fingers again and dont wish to argue anymore
wanted to apologize cos thats what i had always been doing it. Perhaps i am that tortise hiding beneath the radar and always bearing the fault. But something is pulling me back this tme.
What is it? I dont know.
Maybe i had had enough?? Maybe im not that argutive and im not so good at speaking.
Cos i would cry when i start saying bcos i would be thinking : Shit, why am i stuck in this situation, i want to turn back in time.
I have incoherent thoughts.
Why did it became like that.
P.S. spaming is illegal.
Tuesday, April 7, 2009 Tuesday, April 07, 2009
Please dont keep on ranting and say how much you had done for us. Its not as if i had never helped you before. Its not as if i had never done a favour for you. Yea,so what if you got money?? I dont care cos its not my money ok?
You got give money but its not me who gets it ok? And im not after the money.
Pls use your heart to think that if i had known how to feed him the medicine etc, would i be oblivious and then dont care? I had helped you take care of him all these while and all i get is a scolding? You know how difficult it is to take care of him and cant you even appreciate us by not scolding us???
You think its easy ah? One weekend and you cannot tahan alr.How about us? We faces that for the whole week days ok? We are also humans. YOu are not the only one who is busy or useful ok.
Pls dont put yourself in the middle of the world, cos you are not the only person on earth ok??
And you know what is the reason i always pull back from asking help from you? It is that YOU ALWAYS COUNT IT AND YOU WOULD BRING IT 0UT WHENEVER WE ARGUE. THAT is you! So sometimes, no is everytime, i am so afraid to ask favours from you cos i know you would remember it and then get it back from me. Must you be so calculative?!
When im having exams, haven i taken care of him too?
When he have so many medicines to be fed, haven i fed it one by one patiently even when i have my own things to do?
When my friends can enjoy and go out in the morning or early afternoon, i have to stay at home and do what is not my responsiblilty and be stressed out by his cries and whinning even when im having exams. Its stressed enough during that period and did i say anything? Im not a floor mat nor am i a pushover. And now during holidays i cant even go out cos why? I have to babysit. And i am stab by guiltyness when i go out and everytime i have to rush for time or even get late! And thank god my friends didnt mind. Right, you think i go out just to shop? I have my errands to run, my uni to apply. I wanna do it myself cos again, i dont want to ask favour for you cos once again, you are going to be so calculative!
You said im oblivious to the surroundings.
IF I AM, WOULD I EVEN KNOW HOW TO:
Feed your son
Cook your son porridge
Deal with it when your son poo and i have to wash his butt and change his diapers
Watch thomas with him
Rock him to sleep
Made milk for him
Feed him water every now and then cos i scared that he might be sick
Change his clothes after he bathed.
So if my friends were to ask me what had i done over the holidays, yea, the list above just about sums it all. And additional thing is, i have to sneak out while your son is sleeping and then use the computer.
You know i dont mind taking care of him but pls do spare a thought for us and dont think that i stay at home all day and slack ok? I slack these few days bcos i am sick ok.
Yea so now, if you still think i am that selfish oblivious brat that you were talking about, then IM LOSS FOR WORDS.
